So it's finally here. It's finally time for the bar exam. And I don't feel ready.
Granted, I don't think I've ever felt ready for something like this. It's just so massive. Three days of testing over at least 15 very large topics (probably more actually). Short answer, essays, a writing project, and 200 multiple choice!
This is what I signed up for when I applied to law school I guess.
But as I sit here now, about thirteen hours until go time, it's odd. I don't think I'm nervous...or anxious...or really concerned. What's going to happen is simply what's going to happen. Either I pass. Or I don't. And if I don't, I can simply try again. I know lots of people who passed the first time and lots of people who didn't. No single person is successful or unsuccessful due solely to their first bar exam results.
I won't be either.
(Mind you, I'd prefer to pass and never have to do this again, but I assume you knew that)
I got a hotel room for the next three days, didn't want to deal with rush hour traffic (can you imagine if I was late because there was a wreck on the road one morning?!?!?). I went out to dinner with some friends. I'm sitting in bed reviewing some civil and criminal procedure (one of two sections scheduled for tomorrow).
I thought I wanted to cry earlier, but, thankfully, that feeling passed. I don't feel good. But I don't know that I feel bad either. It simply is what it is.
Hopefully, I can come back in a few months and say that I passed. Certainly a lot of people expect that of me. I don't know what I expect. It really depends on what they ask. Again, the topics are so broad, they could feasibly give me an entire exam on stuff I barely studied and it still all have been testable. Or they could pick stuff I focused on, either by chance or luck or whatever you believe in.
But if I don't, that's okay. People do come back. After all, as a very wise man once told me, how a person bounces back from disaster is far more telling about a person's strength of character than a person who has never faced road-bumps.
So this is for you Professor Barnes, for better or for worse. Without you, I would never have made it through law school. I would certainly not have my J.D. And no matter what happens over the next three days, that isn't going away.
Good luck to everyone taking the bar exam. My thoughts are with you. I'll be a little distracted come tomorrow morning though.
And thanks. Thanks to everyone who has supported me in whatever way they knew how. Even if it wasn't always helpful. And thanks Professor Barnes (I think!).
RIP and I miss you.
