I never post anymore. I wish I did. I'm the kind of person who loves to go through old stuff to remember, and to see how much I've changed.
Which is actually what finally brought me back. Perusing facebook, I found a note I wrote on February 19, 2008. It was actually a bucket list.
Things to Do Before I Die
1. SCUBA Dive the Great Barrier Reef
2. Travel to (and compete in) a big ballroom dance competition
3. Visit Egypt, Brunei, Thailand
4. Purchase a claddagh ring in Ireland
5. Watch the Olympics live and in person
6. Go to Blackpool
7. Work as a dancer in a Disney World show
8. Study in the ancient Vatican Library
9. Produce what will be a famous work of art
10. Learn to crochet
11. See the tulips in bloom in Holland
12. Have my photos published
13. Write a book (relating to history)
14. Backpack Europe
15. Have one of my ballroom gown designs actually created (even if they end up looking horrible)
16. Actually finish all the scrapbooks I start
17. Get my motorcycle license (I keep meaning to get around to taking that test)
18. Graduate college
19. Go on a college road trip (friends are invited of course)
20. Sing for an audience
21. Master French, German, and Czech (really random languages I know)
22. Visit all the places from WWII that I have read and studied about
23. Invent a new flavor of bubble gum (lol)
Man, do I have a lot of work to do.
The Great Barrier Reef has been declared dead. I don't really ballroom dance much anymore. I doubt I'll ever get to Egypt or Brunei with the state of things lately (don't know why I listed Thailand....I've been there). The Ireland thing could happen, but idk what I would do with a claddagh ring. The Olympics thing is definitely going to happen...one way or another. And blackpool could happen to. I'm kind of on the old side to be a Disney dancer. I no longer study history and will likely never have a reason to get into the Vatican Library (though that would be wicked). I guess I could produce some kind of art....there are lots of kinds. I did learn to crochet....then never used it and promptly forgot. I had forgotten about tulips in Holland, but it sounds amazing. I don't do much hard core photography these days, but you never know. I don't study history because I decided I DIDN'T want to write a book. Backpacking Europe is no fun by yourself, and I'm past the age where I'll find someone to do it with me. I did just get a dress form and am getting into sewing properly....maybe I'll make a ballroom dress myself. Yeah, the scrapbook thing is never happening. Nor is the motorcycle thing. But I did graduate college, and law school, and I'm back for more...yay! I can't say I ever really did a college road trip, but I had plenty of great experienced. I got to sing for an audience twice with HCLO, once as a solo to open A Christmas Carol! I just ordered some HP stuff in French to work on that....and I have a couple of untouched Czech books. I will one day go see the concentration camps. And why on earth did I want to invent a new flavor of bubble gum?!?
It's fun to look back, to be reminded of things that were once important to you. Maybe they'll become important again...or maybe you changed for a reason. I've been going through a lot of changes...with a lots of questions. Thinking of going back inspires a lot of emotions.
We'll see what happens next. But I think I'll make a new list for now. Maybe in another 10 years or so, I can compare!
1. Find a career I don't hate
2. Watch the French Open live (maybe the US)
3. Make all the costumes on my list (WW, Merida, etc.)
4. Visit Ireland, Germany, Alaska, and maybe India
5. Get a dog
6. Go see the Tonys, Oscars, or something cool live
7. Move to a city I love
8. Keep playing tennis
9. Keep ballroom dancing
10. Design my own clothes
Idk, I don't know what I want on my bucket list this year...this is so short!
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Sunday, August 16, 2015
A guy's walking down the street when he falls into a hole...
How do you figure out what you're good at?
No, wait. That's the wrong question. How do you know what you're not bad at? What you wouldn't hate? What wouldn't cause you endless sleepless nights because you can't handle it?
How do you figure out what to do with your life?
Four years ago, I graduated from a four-year university with a bachelors in history. I loved it. But I was scared of going further in the field. The only way to be a historian is to write and get published. I didn't know if I could do that. So I went to law school.
I graduated a year ago.
Before all that, I went to a decent private school. I had teachers that loved me and pushed me. I had parents that wanted the best for me.
Everything about my white, suburban, middle-class life said I was destined to succeed.
Eight years post high school, four years post college, one year post law school, and I'm working as a glorified secretary.
I told one of my friends about it and he thought I was joking. He then remarked, "aren't you like horrendously overqualified."
Yes and no.
I'm working in a law office. So the lingo is familiar, the pace isn't surprising, and the stress is overwhelming.
Everything I realized I wanted to avoid one year into law school.
Only I stayed. I am a proud person. I believed I was supposed to be successful. I believed I was incapable of failure. I didn't know how to tell all the people who had helped me over the years, loved me, supported me, that it wasn't enough. That I wasn't enough. That I couldn't hack it.
So I stayed. A second year. Then a third. I graduated near the bottom of my class. I never got my final ranking. Didn't need the gloom that was sure to follow.
But I thought I had made it. I had gotten out of my home state. I had finished a successful internship with the District Attorney's office I wanted to work at. I was scheduled to take the bar exam. I was enrolled in a prep course. Everything my life had lead to was coming to fruition.
Then bar prep started and I finally realized the truth.
I really was doomed.
I could not hack it. I couldn't deal with the stress of the knowledge that a single three day exam, with no real world relevancy, focusing on all my worst parts of law, would determine my future.
I failed. Twice.
I still maintain that I would actually be a decent lawyer. I'm good with people. I have a decent court room presence. I know how to keep the judge happy. I maintain good relationships with my co-workers and counsel opposite. I enjoy prepping for trial. I enjoy the research. The legal questions fascinate me.
But I no longer hold any belief that I could ever pass a bar exam. I am a practical lawyer. A trial lawyer. I don't do books and memorization. I like double-checking. I hate civil law. I love evidence. I'm too focused in constitutional law.
But the evidence part of the bar exam? Well, if you have too much practical knowledge, you tend to answer the questions the wrong way. There wasn't a question I didn't know the answer to. But it was one of my worst scores.
The essays? The examiners pulled from two areas of law that hadn't be tested in about seven and twenty years respectively. They asked about commercial paper, oil and gas, and other civil niche areas of law.
The only part I passed was the only practical part of the exam, the MPT. Go figure. The only bit of the exam that has any relevance to the real world because in the MPT, you draft real world briefs, arguments, and memos.
So I moved back in with my mother. A friend offered me a job as her assistant. And here I am. Crying every time I catch myself thinking. Lost. With absolutely no idea where to go next.
I thought about sports compliance, but, so far, not even a call back.
I thought about teaching, but I don't know if I can even afford to do alternate route.
I thought about another degree, but I wouldn't know what to study.
I thought about dance, I can't afford the certification.
I thought about foreign service, but I don't know if I can deal with my current reality for up to two more years (that's assuming I even pass the entrance exam).
I enjoy helping people. I love learning new things. Music makes me happy. Camaraderie of sports is intoxicating. I'm good at psychology.
I'm not particularly patient. People tell me I'm too much of a people pleaser. I'm rather anti-social. I have an obsessive personality.
And I have no idea what to do next. I just turned 26. I'm working a dead end job. And I have no idea what else to try.
I could keep applying for the same things, but no one's called me back yet and nothing has changed. I need new ideas. Ideas I can do. I can't go back and do college again. I don't have the luxury of scholarships to study new things. I have ever-growing debt as a result of my decision to stay in law school.
And I know I've turned into a statistic. Too many law graduates have similar troubles. The job market sucks. We have a higher rate of suicide and depression than the general public. People crack under the pressure. More and more attorneys are quitting altogether.
I don't want to practice law. Being away from it for a year and now working as a legal assistant, I'm sure. The angry people, the drama, the sadness, the hours, the fighting, the stress, the unpredictability of it all.
So anyway, I'm stuck. I'll keep looking, because I have to. I'll keep trying, because there is no other choice. But I'm not optimistic (law school has apparently seen to that according to this article apparently).
My parting words will be a bit of advice. Don't rush into graduate school. Do the research I didn't do. Don't be so sure you'll pay off your massive amounts of debt with a high salary job. Enjoy school and learning. Learn everything you can. About every topic possible. You never know what could come in handy. You don't have to be inspired, maybe just intrigued. Something that you won't hate.
Life is short and then you die. Find some way to enjoy it. Because getting stuck in a rut is the worst. And they're much harder to get out of than you'd expect.
No, wait. That's the wrong question. How do you know what you're not bad at? What you wouldn't hate? What wouldn't cause you endless sleepless nights because you can't handle it?
How do you figure out what to do with your life?
Four years ago, I graduated from a four-year university with a bachelors in history. I loved it. But I was scared of going further in the field. The only way to be a historian is to write and get published. I didn't know if I could do that. So I went to law school.
I graduated a year ago.
Before all that, I went to a decent private school. I had teachers that loved me and pushed me. I had parents that wanted the best for me.
Everything about my white, suburban, middle-class life said I was destined to succeed.
Eight years post high school, four years post college, one year post law school, and I'm working as a glorified secretary.
I told one of my friends about it and he thought I was joking. He then remarked, "aren't you like horrendously overqualified."
Yes and no.
I'm working in a law office. So the lingo is familiar, the pace isn't surprising, and the stress is overwhelming.
Everything I realized I wanted to avoid one year into law school.
Only I stayed. I am a proud person. I believed I was supposed to be successful. I believed I was incapable of failure. I didn't know how to tell all the people who had helped me over the years, loved me, supported me, that it wasn't enough. That I wasn't enough. That I couldn't hack it.
So I stayed. A second year. Then a third. I graduated near the bottom of my class. I never got my final ranking. Didn't need the gloom that was sure to follow.
But I thought I had made it. I had gotten out of my home state. I had finished a successful internship with the District Attorney's office I wanted to work at. I was scheduled to take the bar exam. I was enrolled in a prep course. Everything my life had lead to was coming to fruition.
Then bar prep started and I finally realized the truth.
I really was doomed.
I could not hack it. I couldn't deal with the stress of the knowledge that a single three day exam, with no real world relevancy, focusing on all my worst parts of law, would determine my future.
I failed. Twice.
I still maintain that I would actually be a decent lawyer. I'm good with people. I have a decent court room presence. I know how to keep the judge happy. I maintain good relationships with my co-workers and counsel opposite. I enjoy prepping for trial. I enjoy the research. The legal questions fascinate me.
But I no longer hold any belief that I could ever pass a bar exam. I am a practical lawyer. A trial lawyer. I don't do books and memorization. I like double-checking. I hate civil law. I love evidence. I'm too focused in constitutional law.
But the evidence part of the bar exam? Well, if you have too much practical knowledge, you tend to answer the questions the wrong way. There wasn't a question I didn't know the answer to. But it was one of my worst scores.
The essays? The examiners pulled from two areas of law that hadn't be tested in about seven and twenty years respectively. They asked about commercial paper, oil and gas, and other civil niche areas of law.
The only part I passed was the only practical part of the exam, the MPT. Go figure. The only bit of the exam that has any relevance to the real world because in the MPT, you draft real world briefs, arguments, and memos.
So I moved back in with my mother. A friend offered me a job as her assistant. And here I am. Crying every time I catch myself thinking. Lost. With absolutely no idea where to go next.
I thought about sports compliance, but, so far, not even a call back.
I thought about teaching, but I don't know if I can even afford to do alternate route.
I thought about another degree, but I wouldn't know what to study.
I thought about dance, I can't afford the certification.
I thought about foreign service, but I don't know if I can deal with my current reality for up to two more years (that's assuming I even pass the entrance exam).
I enjoy helping people. I love learning new things. Music makes me happy. Camaraderie of sports is intoxicating. I'm good at psychology.
I'm not particularly patient. People tell me I'm too much of a people pleaser. I'm rather anti-social. I have an obsessive personality.
And I have no idea what to do next. I just turned 26. I'm working a dead end job. And I have no idea what else to try.
I could keep applying for the same things, but no one's called me back yet and nothing has changed. I need new ideas. Ideas I can do. I can't go back and do college again. I don't have the luxury of scholarships to study new things. I have ever-growing debt as a result of my decision to stay in law school.
And I know I've turned into a statistic. Too many law graduates have similar troubles. The job market sucks. We have a higher rate of suicide and depression than the general public. People crack under the pressure. More and more attorneys are quitting altogether.
I don't want to practice law. Being away from it for a year and now working as a legal assistant, I'm sure. The angry people, the drama, the sadness, the hours, the fighting, the stress, the unpredictability of it all.
So anyway, I'm stuck. I'll keep looking, because I have to. I'll keep trying, because there is no other choice. But I'm not optimistic (law school has apparently seen to that according to this article apparently).
My parting words will be a bit of advice. Don't rush into graduate school. Do the research I didn't do. Don't be so sure you'll pay off your massive amounts of debt with a high salary job. Enjoy school and learning. Learn everything you can. About every topic possible. You never know what could come in handy. You don't have to be inspired, maybe just intrigued. Something that you won't hate.
Life is short and then you die. Find some way to enjoy it. Because getting stuck in a rut is the worst. And they're much harder to get out of than you'd expect.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Ebola
For fear of starting a facebook fight, I have to rant here. I hope you'll forgive me. As a resident of DFW, I find it difficult to keep quiet. I have a flight out of DFW in the near future. If anyone has reason to panic I do.
But I'm not. Not really.
The Ebola panic is both outrageous and hilarious. I found an excellent speech Shepard Smith posted yesterday.
It's about damn time someone in the media spoke up the way Mr. Smith did. For those who haven't seen it, please watch:
Okay, now that we're on the same page, I'll continue. Mr. Smith makes some excellent points. Ebola is a serious disease. The CDC had some big missteps with the first US cases. But it is absolutely not time to panic. It is not time to flee. It is not time to burn everything down.
Here's a good infographic about ebola:
Both of the women who caught Ebola on US soil were health care workers. That's good and bad news. Bad, because clearly whatever protocols were in place failed. Good, because we can fix that. Also good, because that means Ebola hasn't broken containment to the general public.
So, for now, everybody just relax.
I read a facebook post from a colleague, which is what has prompted this post.
No one is taking the US Ebola cases lightly. No one is scoffing at the seriousness of this disease.
Have mistakes been made? Yes.
Are they easy to fix? Yes.
Is this a disaster? Not in the US. We have the technology and know-how to deal with this disease.
It's a disease we've known about for a long time and we've known how to deal with it. Unfortunately, the people in Africa aren't nearly as lucky. They are the ones we need to worry about. They are the ones in serious need of help.
Here in in the United States, this doesn't even come close to a crisis.
So take a minute, get the facts, and breathe. To the idiots who think we're all doomed, please shut up. You aren't making this any easier and you are in fact taking away from the real crisis in Africa.
This is not a time to panic.
Wash your hands and keep calm. Panic will solve nothing.
Take care!
But I'm not. Not really.
The Ebola panic is both outrageous and hilarious. I found an excellent speech Shepard Smith posted yesterday.
It's about damn time someone in the media spoke up the way Mr. Smith did. For those who haven't seen it, please watch:
Okay, now that we're on the same page, I'll continue. Mr. Smith makes some excellent points. Ebola is a serious disease. The CDC had some big missteps with the first US cases. But it is absolutely not time to panic. It is not time to flee. It is not time to burn everything down.
Here's a good infographic about ebola:
Both of the women who caught Ebola on US soil were health care workers. That's good and bad news. Bad, because clearly whatever protocols were in place failed. Good, because we can fix that. Also good, because that means Ebola hasn't broken containment to the general public.
So, for now, everybody just relax.
I read a facebook post from a colleague, which is what has prompted this post.
No one is taking the US Ebola cases lightly. No one is scoffing at the seriousness of this disease.
Have mistakes been made? Yes.
Are they easy to fix? Yes.
Is this a disaster? Not in the US. We have the technology and know-how to deal with this disease.
It's a disease we've known about for a long time and we've known how to deal with it. Unfortunately, the people in Africa aren't nearly as lucky. They are the ones we need to worry about. They are the ones in serious need of help.
Here in in the United States, this doesn't even come close to a crisis.
So take a minute, get the facts, and breathe. To the idiots who think we're all doomed, please shut up. You aren't making this any easier and you are in fact taking away from the real crisis in Africa.
This is not a time to panic.
Wash your hands and keep calm. Panic will solve nothing.
Take care!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Home Stretch
I've finally hit the home stretch! All my friends have gotten their bar results and mine come in less than a month.
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I'm one of those people who has never taken compliments well. There a number of possible psychological reasons for it. I've never given it much thought before now. People have called me out for it. I just try to say thank you and move on.
But as bar results loom ever closing, the issue creeps into my mind. Not because I'm pondering my own vanity, but because the thing I need to hear most of all right now, is that, pass or fail, it's all going to be okay.
Now think about that statement. I have realized that I need affirmation that regardless of whether I succeed of fail, I'm going to be okay. Things are going to be okay. People are still going to be okay with me.
If that statement is true, why would I think that? How would it impact the rest of my psyche?
And how is it relevant to my inability to accept compliments?
If I need affirmation that when I fail, it's going to be okay...maybe my brain thinks compliments are proof that things are only okay when I succeed.
Compliments are, by their nature, contingent on good things. I love getting compliments, but I don't react well to it. I've simply come to the conclusion that I fear one day failing, letting people down, and no longer being okay. Which makes me shy away from them. Because I fear failure. I'm a perfectionist who fears the day I am no longer perfect.
Nothing stands out to me from my freshman year of college more than the day I went to visit my old high school, told them where I was enrolled, and one of my teachers said, "Oh, you went there? I thought you were going somewhere cool..."
Nothing.
I was an 18-year-old kid, an overachiever, who felt like she was told she was a failure. I'm pretty sure she apologized and I laughed it off or something, but that's the only part of the interaction I remember.
So if that kind of negativity makes me uncomfortable, so too should the ultra positivity that are compliments.
Anyway, more ramblings from a stressed law grad. All born out of the thought that I would love a card or flowers or something from my mom that said "Good luck and remember I love you no matter what."
Because I need that reassurance. I need that affirmation.
I'm a perfectionist who can't accept and frets over the day everyone walks away.
Stupid maybe, but that's my reality.
So next time you compliment something and think they're being a bitch, please don't call them out for it unless you know they really are just being a bitch.
Cause some of us are really sensitive and stressed out. And believe me, if we could change that, we would.
Just a penny for my thoughts.
All my love!
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I'm one of those people who has never taken compliments well. There a number of possible psychological reasons for it. I've never given it much thought before now. People have called me out for it. I just try to say thank you and move on.
But as bar results loom ever closing, the issue creeps into my mind. Not because I'm pondering my own vanity, but because the thing I need to hear most of all right now, is that, pass or fail, it's all going to be okay.
Now think about that statement. I have realized that I need affirmation that regardless of whether I succeed of fail, I'm going to be okay. Things are going to be okay. People are still going to be okay with me.
If that statement is true, why would I think that? How would it impact the rest of my psyche?
And how is it relevant to my inability to accept compliments?
If I need affirmation that when I fail, it's going to be okay...maybe my brain thinks compliments are proof that things are only okay when I succeed.
Compliments are, by their nature, contingent on good things. I love getting compliments, but I don't react well to it. I've simply come to the conclusion that I fear one day failing, letting people down, and no longer being okay. Which makes me shy away from them. Because I fear failure. I'm a perfectionist who fears the day I am no longer perfect.
Nothing stands out to me from my freshman year of college more than the day I went to visit my old high school, told them where I was enrolled, and one of my teachers said, "Oh, you went there? I thought you were going somewhere cool..."
Nothing.
I was an 18-year-old kid, an overachiever, who felt like she was told she was a failure. I'm pretty sure she apologized and I laughed it off or something, but that's the only part of the interaction I remember.
So if that kind of negativity makes me uncomfortable, so too should the ultra positivity that are compliments.
Anyway, more ramblings from a stressed law grad. All born out of the thought that I would love a card or flowers or something from my mom that said "Good luck and remember I love you no matter what."
Because I need that reassurance. I need that affirmation.
I'm a perfectionist who can't accept and frets over the day everyone walks away.
Stupid maybe, but that's my reality.
So next time you compliment something and think they're being a bitch, please don't call them out for it unless you know they really are just being a bitch.
Cause some of us are really sensitive and stressed out. And believe me, if we could change that, we would.
Just a penny for my thoughts.
All my love!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
#nowhiteflags
I know a lot of people are getting sick of this "publicity stunt," but the numbers say it's been effective! Awareness campaigns matter!
So in honor of my nomination by a member of my law fraternity, Delta Theta Phi, the ALS foundation, and Steve Gleason, I'm sharing my #ALSicebucketchallenge on my blog.
Go donate! I did!
So in honor of my nomination by a member of my law fraternity, Delta Theta Phi, the ALS foundation, and Steve Gleason, I'm sharing my #ALSicebucketchallenge on my blog.
Go donate! I did!
Too cool for skool
So it's August. All over facebook, I keep seeing posts about people starting up classes again, back to school days.
But not for me! This is the first year I'm not going back to school this fall. And it's a totally weird feeling!
I have friends starting graduate programs, friends in the middle of programs, friends going to college, friends almost done. And then there's me, with nothing to do. I don't have a job yet, probably won't get one until I pass the bar. So I have nothing to do.
What a foreign feeling!
I knew I was going to take a few weeks off after the bar exam to recover, and I've done that. But I'm definitely starting to feel a little antsy. I want something to do! I've even pulled out some old video games to fill my time.
Don't get me wrong, I kind of love the freedom. But sitting along in my apartment all day long gets kind of boring.
Thankfully, I'm heading on vacation in a few days! I can't wait to get out and do things (plus the change in weather will be nice...as long as I don't get too cold, I can never imagine what anything below 80 degrees will feel like during Southern summers).
Got a whole bunch of new books for my kindle to read on the flight, too! I will always love a proper book in my hands and will continue to purchase books (although maybe not until I get paid again), but Jo is right, a kindle is mighty convenient!
But to everyone else getting back into the school groove, good luck! I wish you a productive year and hope things go your way.
To the rest of us,
But not for me! This is the first year I'm not going back to school this fall. And it's a totally weird feeling!
I have friends starting graduate programs, friends in the middle of programs, friends going to college, friends almost done. And then there's me, with nothing to do. I don't have a job yet, probably won't get one until I pass the bar. So I have nothing to do.
What a foreign feeling!
I knew I was going to take a few weeks off after the bar exam to recover, and I've done that. But I'm definitely starting to feel a little antsy. I want something to do! I've even pulled out some old video games to fill my time.
Don't get me wrong, I kind of love the freedom. But sitting along in my apartment all day long gets kind of boring.
Thankfully, I'm heading on vacation in a few days! I can't wait to get out and do things (plus the change in weather will be nice...as long as I don't get too cold, I can never imagine what anything below 80 degrees will feel like during Southern summers).
Got a whole bunch of new books for my kindle to read on the flight, too! I will always love a proper book in my hands and will continue to purchase books (although maybe not until I get paid again), but Jo is right, a kindle is mighty convenient!
But to everyone else getting back into the school groove, good luck! I wish you a productive year and hope things go your way.
To the rest of us,
Monday, July 28, 2014
It's time
So it's finally here. It's finally time for the bar exam. And I don't feel ready.
Granted, I don't think I've ever felt ready for something like this. It's just so massive. Three days of testing over at least 15 very large topics (probably more actually). Short answer, essays, a writing project, and 200 multiple choice!
This is what I signed up for when I applied to law school I guess.
But as I sit here now, about thirteen hours until go time, it's odd. I don't think I'm nervous...or anxious...or really concerned. What's going to happen is simply what's going to happen. Either I pass. Or I don't. And if I don't, I can simply try again. I know lots of people who passed the first time and lots of people who didn't. No single person is successful or unsuccessful due solely to their first bar exam results.
I won't be either.
(Mind you, I'd prefer to pass and never have to do this again, but I assume you knew that)
I got a hotel room for the next three days, didn't want to deal with rush hour traffic (can you imagine if I was late because there was a wreck on the road one morning?!?!?). I went out to dinner with some friends. I'm sitting in bed reviewing some civil and criminal procedure (one of two sections scheduled for tomorrow).
I thought I wanted to cry earlier, but, thankfully, that feeling passed. I don't feel good. But I don't know that I feel bad either. It simply is what it is.
Hopefully, I can come back in a few months and say that I passed. Certainly a lot of people expect that of me. I don't know what I expect. It really depends on what they ask. Again, the topics are so broad, they could feasibly give me an entire exam on stuff I barely studied and it still all have been testable. Or they could pick stuff I focused on, either by chance or luck or whatever you believe in.
But if I don't, that's okay. People do come back. After all, as a very wise man once told me, how a person bounces back from disaster is far more telling about a person's strength of character than a person who has never faced road-bumps.
So this is for you Professor Barnes, for better or for worse. Without you, I would never have made it through law school. I would certainly not have my J.D. And no matter what happens over the next three days, that isn't going away.
Good luck to everyone taking the bar exam. My thoughts are with you. I'll be a little distracted come tomorrow morning though.
And thanks. Thanks to everyone who has supported me in whatever way they knew how. Even if it wasn't always helpful. And thanks Professor Barnes (I think!).
RIP and I miss you.
Granted, I don't think I've ever felt ready for something like this. It's just so massive. Three days of testing over at least 15 very large topics (probably more actually). Short answer, essays, a writing project, and 200 multiple choice!
This is what I signed up for when I applied to law school I guess.
But as I sit here now, about thirteen hours until go time, it's odd. I don't think I'm nervous...or anxious...or really concerned. What's going to happen is simply what's going to happen. Either I pass. Or I don't. And if I don't, I can simply try again. I know lots of people who passed the first time and lots of people who didn't. No single person is successful or unsuccessful due solely to their first bar exam results.
I won't be either.
(Mind you, I'd prefer to pass and never have to do this again, but I assume you knew that)
I got a hotel room for the next three days, didn't want to deal with rush hour traffic (can you imagine if I was late because there was a wreck on the road one morning?!?!?). I went out to dinner with some friends. I'm sitting in bed reviewing some civil and criminal procedure (one of two sections scheduled for tomorrow).
I thought I wanted to cry earlier, but, thankfully, that feeling passed. I don't feel good. But I don't know that I feel bad either. It simply is what it is.
Hopefully, I can come back in a few months and say that I passed. Certainly a lot of people expect that of me. I don't know what I expect. It really depends on what they ask. Again, the topics are so broad, they could feasibly give me an entire exam on stuff I barely studied and it still all have been testable. Or they could pick stuff I focused on, either by chance or luck or whatever you believe in.
But if I don't, that's okay. People do come back. After all, as a very wise man once told me, how a person bounces back from disaster is far more telling about a person's strength of character than a person who has never faced road-bumps.
So this is for you Professor Barnes, for better or for worse. Without you, I would never have made it through law school. I would certainly not have my J.D. And no matter what happens over the next three days, that isn't going away.
Good luck to everyone taking the bar exam. My thoughts are with you. I'll be a little distracted come tomorrow morning though.
And thanks. Thanks to everyone who has supported me in whatever way they knew how. Even if it wasn't always helpful. And thanks Professor Barnes (I think!).
RIP and I miss you.
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